Disputatious Scrivener | Mad Inventor | Social Provocateur | Paranoid Futurist | Death Podcaster | Romantic |

Look between the cold pillars of concrete holding up the earth and you'll find me flowering there.

How to make Pasta Puttanesca. If you try mine, I will own you.

Understanding why, when I put two socks in the dryer, only one comes out. Why, why, why?!?

The first rule of holes. "When you find yourself in one, stop digging."

Pop-eye the Sailor Man, a true existentialist. "I yam what I yam!"

Friends tell me my rather spectacular failures are of more interest than my superpowers, and in that regard, I’m in good company. I heard Mark Twain picked cotton, captained a riverboat, and failed at gold mining before becoming a full time writer. The only thing I've picked recently is my nose and my ex-wife says I'm not even good at that. I spray-painted trucks for a spell and inhaled a fair bit of overspray, which accounts for the oddness of my thinking. I cleaned about 100 fish tanks a week for a year, and about every tenth time failed to get the damn hose out of my mouth in time. That means I’ve swallowed a lot of fish poo -- good for my hair and nails but not something I put on my resume. I was an exclamation coach for reality TV -- “Heavens to Murgatroyd” is one of my favorite ejaculations (look it up). I am the author of “Train ANY cat with magnets!” which sold a few copies. That was a while ago. Now I write some, invent weird things, study history, and just try to keep high and dry while I captain my cosmic riverboat up the big river.

I'd go back to exclamation coach (see superpowers). I think "sacre bleu" has real potential.

I pretty much always remember to hit the head first thing in the morning.

I can teach anyone to dance in 15 seconds. Guaranteed.

Blah. I draw cartoons by hand.

Brant hasn't saved anything yet.